Monday, April 9, 2007

Truths that Cannot be Accepted

As a people, we all create a sembelance of how things are and the way life should be. Individually, we create our own truths. These are truths that are often based in paranoia and outright stupidity. In order to help clear up the truth and the lies, here's a list of truths that some of us refuse to accept:

--Muslim extremists, not the government, were responsible for 9/11:
Sorry Charlie Sheen, but it is true. And as for you Rosie O'Donnell, may I recommend spending a lot more time hanging upside down in that "vampire bat machine" thing you got. I always like how these wackos suggest Bush had enough of a brain to set the biggest terrorist attack in our nation's history in motion, but can't explain why he couldn't find WMDs in Iraq. Bush is not a master criminal like Kaiser Soze. He's more like the Foghorn Leghorn of master criminals. Speaking of WMDs...

--There are no WMDs in Iraq:
Donald Rumsfeld, I envy you. Even after such insurmountable evidence to the contrary, you still say there were WMDs there. I don't envy you for your ignorance. I envy you because unlike other people, you didn't lose your job and get shipped off to the old folks home for your assertions.

--If your twelve year old wears more makeup than an old lady on Beverly Hills, she better be a
I believe some kids need makeup to look good. But here's the thing: this applies to ugly kids. And besides, your makeup says volumes about who you are. Goth kids who wear black eyeliner, lipstick, and pasty face makeup tend to be a morose and depressed bunch. Kids who wear heavy amounts of blush and eyeliner might be mistaken for hooker working the street. Sure its to impress the guys in school, but you know who else it impresses? Child molesters.

--Having a kid at thirteen is not "fun":
Your first love is not the end-all, be-all of your love life. Give yourself some time. You have plenty of opportunities to be disappointed. In the meantime, buy a dog or cat. You can actually ignore them and not feed them that much if you're busy. Plus, child neglect is a crime.

--O.J. did kill someone:
That fiasco over his book that explained how he would have killed two innocent people might have netted him some cash, except for one thing: it's not a hypothetical he killed them. It's a fact. Deal with it, naysayers.

The following was the view and opinion of the author and does not reflect the views and opinions of the host of this blog. And if you want the truth, trust me, you can't handle the truth.

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